It's been brought to our attention many times over the years that our particular brand of 'humour' has, on occasion, veered far to close to male chauvinism and sexism.
After a number of official complaints we have now been warned by the Press Complaints Commission that our manner is "outdated, shallow and a relic of a byegone age where women were seen as second-rate citizens...".
Also under fire is our use of topless models, branded "sickening, exploitative and borderline pornographic," by the PCC. And the models themselves apparently are "artificial-looking and not a fair representation of the average female's figure, build or style".
Of course, this is all bollocks to us, but they have us over a barrel. As a result, from the next issue, things will be changing. Our models will now be treated with the respect we'd give our own mothers, and will no longer be seen as beautiful pneumatic babes which we pay to take their clothes off. During topless sessions, MDM will only be able to direct the photographic action by viewing with a mirror, otherwise he'll turn to stone for all eternity. And Stu will not be allowed to attend shoots at all any more in case his "Oops, I slipped" tactic for copping a quick feel causes any offence.
As for me? I vow to treat all our models with maximum respect. I will enquire about their health, education and hobbies in a strictly cordial manner and will never, ever, ever view any of them as a sex object or anything less than an intelligent human being. Even when they're butt naked.
We hope for the understanding and support of our readership at this difficult time.
Respectfully enquiring about the details of Hollie's private health insurance plan, yesterday.